Not sure the club is going to get this up...so here 'tis of full technicolour -


The Ghost has all the answers.


So we started like we meant business but, as anyone will tell you, poor kicking is poor football and so we fell because in the first quarter when the game was up for grabs Geelong converted their chances and we squandered ours. Without scoreboard pressure the Cats threw off the shackles of the past weeks and played more like the Top four side everyone thought they might be.

We, sadly, played well for about a quarter and a half and then fell away when we continued to miss our chances. One of the problems for Carlton is that as a young side its confidence is frail and so the efforts of the past 3 weeks and the poor kicking in that first quarter really did sap their confidence and they fell back into poor habits we’ve seen all too often these last three or so years.

So this week is the Bulldogs and they, like Geelong (and it seems every other team we play) are coming off a bad loss and will seek to restore their form by flogging the Bluebaggers. Which leads me to raise a possible financial solution to our delicate debt predicament.

I think for the rest of this season (and maybe the next two seasons) we sell
ourselves to the other fifteen teams as an elite training aide. For a small fee (say fifty thousand a match) we guarantee to play your team back into some stunning form. Think about it. Your side just got flogged? Don’t despair, play Carlton and flog us so your supporters jump back on the wagon. Lost three in a row? Fear not, play us and it will not be four. Fifteen times fifty thousand is a cool seven hundred and fifty thousand – no need to sell a home game, just sell our prowess at working other teams back into form.

But it need not end there. Say a certain club – in this case we’ll call it ummm Collibubbles, has a star player, say ummm Jack Errant. And this Errant bloke has been way off the boil of late, so off the boil he’s got frostbite. No worries. We approach the said club of Errant and say that for a small fee (say fifteen thousand) we will play that star player so far back into form he’ll attain outright Brownlow favouritism. Fifteen clubs with say an average of two star players a week out of form – that’s another cool three hundred thousand.

But wait, like all good advertisements, there is still more. All clubs have a kid or two they wish to blood. Part of the process of blooding these kids is helping them gain confidence, a belief that they belong. So for another small fee, (say five thousand) we will help those kids find their feet. That is another one hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

To take stock that means the club could net around 1.1 million!

But wait there is still more (we’ll eradicate the debt and get this club back in the black yet). Okay a certain player at a certain club wishes to renegotiate his contract – now nothing helps stitch a club up more than a best on ground performance. We let it be known to player managers that we can offer such a service and for a small fee (say twenty – five thousand) we’ll ensure they get the three Brownlow votes that week.

Or a certain club wishes to trade a certain player at the end of the year. Best on ground performance is guaranteed to lift his trade value. We charge twenty grand and ensure they also get that best on ground. Of course these two would need to be carefully orchestrated, we would not want to show a conflict of interest.

Finally say a club is sick and tired of having the media and supporter base bag its coach, its board or whatever. Never fear for a fee of, say, one hundred thousand, we’ll make that coach, board or boot studder look so good they will get a contract extension or re-election!

So there we have it. We’ll soon be rolling in money like the Bluebaggers of old!

As for this week’s game, as always I think we are a chance – in any two horse race everyone must be some sort of chance. I fear their loss last week may mean the Doggies are going to run out snarling but if we can win more of the centre clearances and if we can take our chances rather than squandering them we may just be about to snatch an unlikely victory.

Young Josh to snag four, Fev to bag six and suddenly a win is not out of the realms of possibility. Blackers to play a blinder, young Jackson promoted (I’ll keep pushing this little red wagon), Setanta to continue to improve in the backline and Whits up forward for another 3 majors and it’s beginning to feel like a percentage booster for the Bluebaggers.

So Carlton by 17 points.

Go Blues!

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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!

This is the kind of forward thinking that needs to be implemented to make our club rich and great again. All we need is a catchy name for this footballing entity and I will vote for 'The Ghost' as club Prez!
Maybe the Carlton Football Solutions Club.

humurous .....but sad

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There's so much I could say...

I thought it was funny but the club obviously did not. Should have run it by BV CG and Synners - they'd tell me what's what

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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!

I'd suggest articles parodying how sad the Club is don't get too much support for publication, danny...

M

why not?

gee remember the days of being able to laugh at ourselves

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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!

Is that a serious question?

Very serious. This club need to be able to laugh at itself. Do they think no one is saying/thinking this? By saying it themselves they actually give assurance to people that they are aware of the problems - sure as hell beats pretending there are no problems.

Does not mean I am not surprised it didn't get put up.

Of course if it just isn't funny then that's different - and that could be the reason

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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!

Promoting the Blues losing for cash is probably stretching it danny. I thought it was creative but when the Blues are down, we shouldn't kick them. There's enough Blues fans who do that, let alone opposition fans.

wasn't kicking them - merely trying to lighten the mood. Though going by the lack of rsponse here, it seems most took it your way. Still, as you well know, its not the first time my humour has not been appreciated Thank God I never tried to make a go of it as a stand up comic!

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This type of slight is alien in the more cultured part of the world - Walsh. Its up there with mad dogs, Englishmen and the midday sun!